It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
