thus making me awesome and them whores
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
