was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
