dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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