who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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