are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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