the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
