Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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