How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
