They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
