Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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