you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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