you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
another moral hangover. fuck.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
