It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
