I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
