You smell like a Billy Joel song
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
