um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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