Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
