Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
