I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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