she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize