I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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