just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
