I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
