oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
