Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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