we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize