Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
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