Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
