You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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