I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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