There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
