Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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