Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
