god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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