I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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