my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Terrible idea I love it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
