Your dad touched me again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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