the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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