So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
