you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I forget how to act sober
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
