Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
