I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
only you would photoshop your dick
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
