I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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