I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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