She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize