Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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