he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
foreskin is a definite game changer
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
