is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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