Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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