a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
nut hugger
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
