I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
