Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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