His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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