bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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