she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Every concussion has its silver lining
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
