i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
