i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
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It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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