so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
