Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
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Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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