I cockslap morals
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
