i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
