I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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