I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
