nut hugger
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
