dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
