Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
