I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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