I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
