So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
