I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
