there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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